April 14, 2010

A Small Thing

the night opens
like a flower
with a little
a little)

on the ground
moon shines
(for me!)

warm whisper of a
greening spring
in the middle of the week
a small thing



josh said...

I like it. It's simple, elegant, and pretty with a tasteful dose of humor. Rhyming "spring" with "thing" with "spring" is very nice. At first I thought it was too much but then I realized it was perfect.

Bill Zink said...

Thanks Josh - this actually came out in ten minutes in one piece just as it sits on the page, with no edits. Only the title was added later. I thought about cutting the last "spring", but having that almost nursery rhyme feel put the tone where I wanted it.

I've got another one I'm fussing over. At some point I'll send you a draft for your two cents.

josh said...

Yeah, send me whatever you've got. Have you considered breaking "(just!" at that point and moving the "a" a line down? It trades trochaic monometer for something else. Is there a term for unaccented, accented, unaccented?

Bill Zink said...

Yeah, I like that . . . (see revision).

Matt said...

update this muthafukkin' blog!

Bill Zink said...

okay okay okay. sheesh.