Well friends, I don't mind telling you that this year has been a load of shit. I'm annoyed, annoyed, annoyed . . . and I don't want to get into it, at least not yet.
Now before you send me your well-meaning sympathies or concerned missives inquiring about my wellbeing, please bear in mind that 1) I believe my mood is pretty much completely under my own control, so if I walk around in a constant state of annoyance, it's my own damn fault; and 2) I don't think it's necessary, or even desirable, to drift along in a constant fog of "happiness". "If you're not getting pissed off, you're not paying attention", as they say.
In other words, I'm fine. Thanks for asking.
Over the last couple years our little family has had to deal with things. Fortunately, we are able to deal with these things together, and we're growing closer by the day. The future is always brighter; but that doesn't make the present less annoying.
Things are gestating, and the process has me a bit on edge. The future is unclear to me, but I have more confidence in my ability to strangle it with my bare hands than I ever have had before. And this little fit of annoyance? It seems like the gateway to something, though I swear I don't know what.
Well, there you have it. I'm not going to get personal, so y'all are left with nothing but murky generalities. The previous five paragraphs were pretty much a waste of your time - sorry 'bout that. I'll get back on the horse after the first of the year and start teasing out some of the angles that have been banging around in my head, then lay them down here for your reading pleasure (I really need to do a proper Beefheart memorial to start with).
Until then, I raise my cup of haterade and toast another year down the tubes. Onward into the fifth decade. Or is it that I'm already a year into the fifth decade? I never understood how those things work.
Fuck it. Happy New Year to everyone. Let's make this one better than the last.